Friday, October 7, 2011

How To Handle Farting At Work

Nancy Grace farted on national television. Or was it a tummy grumble? Either way, viewers heard it and now it's gone viral.



Which brings up an interesting question: How should you handle embarrassing bodily malfunctions at work?

We all fart, we all get stomach gurgles, we all burp and hiccup, and usually at the worst possible moments. Maybe you "sneezefarted," meaning you sneezed so hard you let one rip at the same time. So awkward and embarrassing. Whatever happens, it's how we handle these situations that counts. The first and trickiest step is whether or not to acknowledge the obvious. Rule of thumb: the more obvious the bodily malfunction, the more you should just own it. If you fart in a staff meeting and everyone heard it, point the finger at yourself (or have someone pull it) and have a sense of humor about the whole thing. Maybe you shouldn't have had those Cajun rice and beans. Yes, feel free to reference lines from the Russian Unicorn if you must. Throw in a few Blazing Saddles jokes for the win.

Your co-workers will appreciate your candor, and God knows we all need a good laugh in this recession. Chances are, your air-clearing emission be one of the only things your co-workers will remember about the meeting, anyway.

If you unleash a silent but deadly fart as you're walking down the hallway and people can't automatically point the finger at you, then simply let the moment pass. It's just between you and your colon. Who, me? It must be that other guy. Then be glad it didn't happen on national television.

30 comments:

  1. I work in a mortgage bank and i frankly think it is rude....we are all adults and we can fart in the bathroom....really come on guys how disgusting are we..........

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    2. Man, who do you think you are? Don't you FART? Or is your asshole too pristine?

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    3. Whoa- hang on a godamn minute! I work in a mortgage bank, too. And every one of us sees it as our God given right as Americans to freely fart whenever we please. It is perfectly natural, just like hunting, baseball and hot dogs. Of course we don't push them out during a meeting, but when Mr Brown comes a knockin' you gotta open the door. Aint nothing wrong with that!

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  2. if i went to the bathroom everytime i had to fart i would never get any work done....

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    1. I agree with you 100%.

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    2. hahahahahahahahahahahaha

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  3. Yesterday I went into the washroom in our office and as I started to pee, my stomache started to ache and to my surprise I let out a very loud fart and had instant diaheria. I was so embarassed as I again farted very loud. I sprayed the washroom and left the fan on and the door open as per the instructions that were posted on the wall 2 months ago. I went back to my desk and did not say anything even though I knew my co-workers had probably heard me.
    About 30 minutes later I received an email that had been addressed to the entire office from my immediate supervisor. It said due to the office being small it can be overwhelming when the washroom is used for anything other that peeing and we should use the washroom down stairs if we need to do anything else.
    I was so embarrassed by this. I know others use the washroom when they have to poop as there is at least 3 spray bottles and the notice on the wall. I only started working here 4 months ago.
    Today I used only the washroom down the 27 stairs as I did not want to take a chance of a repeat. I have bursitis and the stairs are not easy.
    Am I overacting? Should I be offended by this email? How should I handle this?

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    1. This story made my day, thank you

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    2. It's illegal to restrict someone's bathroom breaks at work. Literally. I used to work at a law office, and I looked it up. I believe it's part of OSHA-- you can't restrict how someone uses the bathroom or drinks water.

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  4. I fart when someone is coming who I do not want to talk to. Usually they are so embarrassed by my fart they don't say a word and quickly walk away. Now, when I'm going poop in the bathroom I always try to make the loudest fart I can. Especially if someone is also pooping next to me. Is this behavior weird? My friend said it could be an primal animal defense system.

    -Thanks

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  5. Everybody farts. And poops. LOVE YOUR BUM! :)

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  6. WoW... these comments will have me laughing for days!

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  7. If she was wearing one of those body shapers, they tend to fit very snugly or tightly. When talking, you swallow air which gets trapped, or if you're nervous or have just eaten, the tight fitting shaper or clothes can cause you to expel the build up of air and/or gas because it has no where else to go but out. That may be what happened to Nancy. It could have also been an "inny fart" - which occurs in the abdomen before it gets a chance to escape. Mother nature can sure be sneaky, lol!

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  8. There's a really cute female coworker in my office who likes to fart when I'm under her desk messing with the computer network cables.

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    1. You should blow off whilst under there. Its the American mating call.

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  9. I've farted several times at work and the sound had picked me out each time. Certain people expressed their disgust through rude eye contacts, negative body languages, and gossips. It seemed like the more they complained, the more surprises I threw at them; none of the occurrences was intentional, though. Well, we all fart, and it's unavoidable, whether it comes out as loud as a volcanic eruption or a sub-machine gun, that is the human element; no escaping it.

    I can't believe some people actually believe women don't fart. On the contrary, they do so well. In fact, they release just as deadly anal gases as everyone else does. My ex-girlfriend had done it multiple times in one trip. The annoying part was that she'd claimed one of her deadly silent emissions had come from an innocent woman. Trust me, her anal emissions, in quick successions, would wipe out an entire city. Yet, she's a woman.

    Anal gas escapes with different attitudes: thunderous, screeching, stuttering, or silent. Although the different attitudes have certain concentrations of odor, the silent type is usually the room clearer. You know why? It comes out with more than one attitude, almost as though angry that you try to suppress it. No matter what happens, we should not try to make fun of anyone who accidentally answers nature's call. That's an inhuman way to handle it. Be more knowledgeable, people.

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  10. Well, this may be an awkward, disgusting topic but I literally can't hold in my gas. I mostly have silent ones but I know they reek because I (usually) can smell them and as soon as I feel them escape, the nose-rubbing and sniffing begins. It is completely mortifying because, surprise, I'm a female. To people who say just go to the bathroom,it doesn't matter how many times I go, I still have gas afterwards which can't be held in. I'm really hoping I can get this problem solved, but I guess it's good to know that there are people who know the perspective of the guilty party. Too many people now-a-days act as if humans never need to expel gas or as if it's a piece of cake holding it in.

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  11. Farts are fun, at my workplace I'm constantly farting and I'm betting it's due to all the water I have to drink. I dehydrate fast and I work in a warehouse where it gets pretty hot from the lack of circulating air. Sometimes you just can't help but blow your butt trumpet so if you gotta go, just go.

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  12. Excessive amount of gas is not normal, it is digestive problem due to different causes. It can be worms and bacteria or diseases in internal organs. Healthy person has very little amount of gas which can be under control.
    I was taking antibiotics and had a sudden excessive amount of gas , run to the washroom and pass them very loud. I felt very embarrassed and ashamed. Our washroom located in the middle of the office. My coworkers laughed at me and humiliate me continuously after that accident . They were doing it many times, on a Valentines day(3 month after accident) we pick up person to buy a gift and our vice president pick me up. She bought greeting card with note about farting in the card shop and humiliate me in front of all co-workers. They sough that I was about to loose conscience - they enjoyed this. I think to put washroom in the middle of the office it is offensive of human rights.

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    1. Don't waste precious time or personal happiness on people who don't matter. Accidents happen and for different reasons. You might have food allergies or sensitivities to certain foods. Wheat and gluten intolerance is on the rise. Why? Because of the way wheat is being processed, including other harmful additives/chemicals in food today. Thanks to Monsanto, many foods are now GMO - genetically modified organisms that prevent natural foods from rotting and stay fresher much longer. These organisms act like a pesticide and are harmful to humans. Also, all non-organic meat contains antibiotics and growth hormones, which is also passed to milk and their products. Try the process of elimination on something you might suspect. If that isn't it, consider that stress, irritable bowel syndrome, chewing gum which makes you swallow a lot of air, etc, may be the cause. Good luck and be happy! :)

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  13. I have super powerful gas. Strong, Asian gas. I light farts at work, even during meeting. I am chairman of the board so people can smell my gas and like it! Every morning, I eat beans and cabbage, just to boost gas power. I think it so funny when employees are sick from my farts. I especially love to pull emergency stop on elevator and then blow huge gas. I am bastard with gas!

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    1. He not kidding. This man my boss. He always call me into his office for urgent meeting. When I walk in, he say "please close door." Then farts come. He just stare at me, smiling. He say nothing. Ass does all the talking. I want quit, but pay is too good. What to decide: money or dignity?

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  14. Choose gas! It go away, but money last! But if boss decide to follow through, charge extra!

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  15. I once had manager who could blow up balloon with farts. He must have spent all weekend doing this. I come in to work and my cubicle filled with balloons. He say, "please be going to work. Ignore balloons. You have deadline.". I realize too late that chair covered in superglue. Then boss appear holding hat pin. He pop every balloon in just few seconds. It like someone lay 100 farts in cube at once. And no escape. He bastard with gas.

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  16. Jesus..this is a nice forum..i love it.

    I workout and eat healthy. But when i come to my office am always getting that small pssssssssk...psssssssssk .........pssssssssssk fart (SBD ones). I usually dont get the PATARRRRRRRRRRRRR...PATAAAAAAAAAAAAAR ones, still i am so embarassed because it smells so bad and i am pretty decent looking guy. Am not sure what causes this, but stinks so bad. Today i leaked a powerful SBD and my colleague walked next to me, i was like shooooooooot and pretended like nothing happened, but he smelled my curry fart. Immediately i sprayed some A&F deodrant pretending like nothing happened.. guys help me what to do?

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  17. dear help that's what I would of done

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  18. Tonight I laid several farts that smelled just like dinner at P.F. Chang's. But I have not had Chinese food in months. I wonder if my ass is telling me its time for some Kung Pao.

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